Friday, March 7, 2014


One of my compatriots was complaining about our imminent (?) switch to paperless as a court system ('tis all the rage) and that this would mean more people looking at screens and less at each other and further dehumanize the whole process.

Now, I have read Hannah Arendt and I get the whole idea that as society grows more complex we stop understanding the world around us.  Personal interactions force us to actually figure out how to "love our neighbors."  Take that away, and we start to lose the modicums of respect and dignity in our treatment of one another that so many centuries of social living have achieved.

But all the same, I gotta ask y'all, how much of your clients' product are you smoking?

Have you met these folks?  Hell, have you met people, period?  Do you really like yourself all that much?  Do you know what judges are like?  Socially isolated.  Highly educated and logical.  THEY DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE.  You know how we convince judges not to slaughter our clients?  It's not by having the filthy bastards go up and shake the Mighty's hand and breathe in his face.  Shit, most of my clients have tattoos on their neck or face identifying them, if not as unemployable idiots, then as members of prison gangs.  Fuck your idea of humanity.  What you really mean when you say human is the human in humanitarian, the "ism" of helping each other out, expending our resources for the betterment of ourselves as a species.  You know how you get a judge to agree to that?  By the power of ideals applied to particular facts about your boy that you cherrypick with tender loving care.  Not by having judge McSternpants look your client in the eyes as he hears about his meth addiction.  Not my clients anyway.  Fuck, if you have a client you WANT to expose a judge to, you're definitely not a PD.  When I have cases where pathos is on my side, I go to trial.  Otherwise, the heart of a judge is logos, and logos can only go so far to cover up the tough talking idiot who just pled to felony assault on an officer down from attempted murder.

Fuck.  Dehumanize?  Do you people pay any attention to the news?  How is tying these bastards to humanity a good thing?

Bring on the internet, brothers and sisters.  On the internet, my clients could be Mother Teresa for all the judge knows.

On a more serious note, we already have people going to first appearances on TV screens.  The thing that keeps judges in line is their own moral and ethical compass.  I'm really not worried about face time with his or her honor when we're not judging the credibility of my clients' accusers.  If you really think your judge needs to be reminded your client is a human, you probably already know you've lost, no matter what you do, and you need a new judge.  If society is producing a lot of bad judges lately, well, that's just the shit we're in.  You won't fix it having judges hang out with my boys.  Hahaha.  No.  That will not help things.  Not that I don't think you can't like anyone if you spend enough time with them, but that kind of thing isn't going to get a judge to pick a lower bail.  Get to know your client and tell the judge why, based on his past actions and current attributes, we know he'll come to court, not use drugs, and  not get himself arrested again.  THAT IS YOUR JOB.

Fuck.  Dehumanize.  You kids.

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